Friday, April 27, 2012

#HarperHistory? Where Was Stephen Harper During World War 2?


With the PM's recent assertion that the NDP didn't want to go to war with Hitler, causing many to call him stupid, I've been tweeting these facts...





Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Canadians Celebrate Being Mentioned On Stephen Colbert Show!


Champagne celebrations in the streets of Canada as this country was mentioned on a major U.S. network...Or at least Comedy Central. Satirical right-wing pundit and possible love interest of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert called on the world to use American currency as the International money of choice. This is because Iceland is thinking about using Canadian dollars. He then went on to become fascinated with the new dino-quarter that glows in the dark, released by the Royal Mint this month. We can only hope that Colbert mentions us again sometime soon. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

Michael Ignatieff Is A Seperatist Now!


Having never fully recovered from his stunning election loss where he played a major role in destroying the Liberal Party of Canada, Iggy is back in the news joining with Justin Trudeau in calling for Quebec to seperate from Canada. See: http://the-mound-of-sound.blogspot.ca/2012/04/iggy-stfu-you-buggered-up-liberals-dont.html


Brigette DePape Is Back!


Now she's bothering Wildrose leader Danielle Smith on election day in Alberta. DePape is like that little girl at the bottom of the well in the movie, ‘The Ring.’ Standing there all eerie-like. You just know when she saw Smith today she was concentrating, thinking: “After you see this stop sign protest sign you will die in seven days.”








See: She's just scary...


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Keanu Reeves Is Probably Not A Vampire


Current speculation on the internet is that Canadian actor Keanu Reeves is Nosferatu: An immortal creature of the night. See...



This is pretty ridiculous and many who believe that he's a vamp are basing it on Reeves' pysical similarity to the French actor Paul Mounet who died in 1922...


They also point to the fact that he hasn't aged since the early nineties when he was playing a 28-year-old teenager on the big screen. But talking about Canadian actors who don't age there is one with even greater longevity. This is just creepy...


Ugly Canadian Cars?


I found this post on Tumblr...

yugo
chevettebricklin
janustrident
gremlinpacerdelorean
these are some of the worst cars ever made but gosh, aren’t the pretty

To which I replied:

Nope! The Bricklin was made in Canada: We never make anything ugly. Also the Delorean was driven back in time by Michael J. Fox (also a Canadian). Also also the AMC Gremlin was built in Canada. Also, while the AMC Pacers were all made in America, one was driven by Canadian Mike Myers in the early ’90s when he use to hang around with Garth and rock out to Bohemian Rhapsody.

Rob Ford Is Still Not Gay!


This is the second time that Mayor Ford has announced that he will not attend the gay pride celebrations in Toronto. He has better things to do like go to the cottage with his family. This leaves many in the gay community disappointed as they'd like to see some mayoral representation at their event. Rob Ford, a hefty guy, has been dieting and having weekly weigh-ins. However, he still is over 300 pounds. Maybe when he's thin enough to fit in a pair of leather pants he'll reconsider going. Until then Toronto homosexuals can only hope.

http://torontogp.blogspot.ca/


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Friday, April 13, 2012

Update: Jean Chretien Still Alive!


Beating the odds on how long a man can live and astounding scientists everywhere, former Prime Minister Jean Chretien has emerged from his sarcophagus. We estimate his age to be at at least 213. Joking with reporters, he's now donating the offerings that foreign leaders placed at his feet as he ruled Canada so that they can be put on exhibit until September. You know what this means? If he's boasting about all of the gold medallions and shrunken heads he's collected, he's just going to want more and more. Unless you know that you can effectively spray garlic in his face, I suggest giving him something he'd like: Maybe a gold bust of Paul Martin or something.

Jean Chretien (file photo).

Dozens Of Air Canada Pilots Go Missing!


Mystery and intrigue were a part of Canadian air travel today as dozens of Air Canada pilots did not show up to work, delaying as many as 50 flights. Where did they go?

Last week I pitched a new show idea to the CBC. With many history buffs lamenting the loss of the Avro Arrow over 50 years ago, I approached the national broadcaster with an idea for a new movie. See...





But now I realize that a film about going back to the 1950s in a gull-winged Canadian sports car to change history may be a little far-fetched. What about an entire series of a group of Air Canada employees who wake up on a mysterious island and viewers tune in week after week wondering if the island is real, whether it's all part of some experiment, or some weird dream?

Sad News: Former PM Joe Clark Experiencing Senility In Old Age


The 16th Prime Minister, Joe Clark, now 72-years-old, has begun to experience his second childhood. Soon he'll wear pants all the way up to his chest and hang out at the local Wal-Mart telling youngsters: "Back in my day I was the president of Ottawa and I had me a Studebaker limo and Lester Pearson was my chauffeur."

Joe Clark: Artist's depiction
Angered that they took the, 'P' out of the old, 'P.C.' party and that his prodigy Peter MacKay's reputation is in decline, Joe wandered into the McGill University's Institute for the Study of International Development and began to give a long, rambling speech on how he doesn't like Harper and Thomas Mulcair is the man he's thinking of backing.

This probably led people to ask: 'Wasn't John Turner the PM after Trudeau and before Mulroney?'

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Singer Sarah McLachlan Bad Mouths Ailing Industry!


Halifax Grammy and Juno award-winning singer Sarah McLachlan doesn't care that some people are into the ways of old: Traditionalists with other values who want to maintain a piece of their identity and tradition. In an open letter to the Prime Minister she took a shot at an ailing industry. She said that 8-track tape factories are no longer lucrative.

The eight-track cartridge was popular from the 1960's up until 1980. Finally people no longer had to only listen to the radio in their cars; they could hear whatever they wanted to. When the regular cassette arrived it had a smaller size and could be rewound but, did you know that 8-tracks have superior sound quality?

http://www.spinner.ca/2012/04/11/sarah-mclachlan-seal-hunt-peta-prime-minister/
I don't think  a big city celebrity like Ms. McLachlan could care less about all of the people who made a living in this industry.

http://www.8trackheaven.com/

Monday, April 9, 2012

Fidel Castro Says Harper Must Be Stopped!


Senile cold war relic Fidel Castro ranted about the Harper government in an essay published over the weekend. Called “Stephen Harper’s Illusions," and posted on the official Cuban government website, Fidel laments about the, "damage caused by the Yankees to the people of Canada. They forced the country to look for oil by extracting it from huge extensions of sand that are impregnated with that fluid, thus causing an irreparable damage to the environment of that beautiful and extensive country.”

Hey Fidel: I've actually been to Moa, Cuba...I want my money back from that vacation.

Moa. http://translatingcuba.com/
It's fair to point out that while America forces Canadians to destroy the environment looking for oil, Canadian mining companies set up shop in Moa. And it's also a safe bet that before the mines got there Moa was still the ugliest city in the Americas. And trust me: If you're ever in Cuba don't go to Moa... You'll be sorry.

No Beer For You Blue Jays Fan!


After a long, difficult winter of the Toronto Maple Leafs loosing, people of Toronto can rest assured that another professional sports team will soon begin to compete...Hopefully doing better than the Leafs. At 7 P.M. tonight the home opener begins!. But now comes word that fans in the cheap seats will be limited to buying only one beer at a time. This is to prevent drunken, rowdy behaviour. But have Toronto fans not been through enough with the embarrassment of the Leafs to now have beer doled out to them as if they were teens just come of drinking age? Please Blue Jay management: Let us carry two beers back to our seats.


Put The Avro Arrow Back Into Production Mr. Prime Minister!


When Canadians discuss the Air Force the Avro Arrow is sure to come up. As is with the case of the escalating costs of the Lightning II procurement, people on Twitter are bringing up how Canada cancelled the supersonic jet program in 1959.

Here's a blog that states: The Arrow was a supersonic design through and through, with ‘clean’ lines to achieve high supersonic speeds and a large internal weapons bay, and although this would have allowed some multi-role capability, in a dogfight or at anything approaching low-level the Arrow airframe would’ve handled like a pig. It simply wasn’t designed for that mission. The CF-18’s we have today can deliver a variety of ordnance from all altitudes, as well as hold their own in a closein dogfight.

As for the Arrow's legendary speed. Here's a comparison...

1959 Arrow top speed: Mach 1.98
1970 Mig 25 top speed: Mach 3.2

1959 F-105 top speed: Mach 2.08
1959 Delta Dart top speed: Mach 2.3
Top speeds found at Wikipedia.

Thomas Mulcair Is Hairy!


Here's an NDP commercial from Quebec highlighting NDP leader Mulcair's arm hair...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Bob Rae Demands Resignation Of Prime Minister!


Rae is creating a furor over the delay of the F-35 joint strike fighter, saying that Harper lied about having contractual agreements against escalating costs.

However, the Canadian government signed on to the F-35 program in 1997, being there from the very start. This is because the Lightning is the only 5th generation stealth America made available to its Nato allies. But then isn't it relevant to ask how many millions of dollars have past Liberal governments sunk into the program? Shouldn't Rae resign over this?

I doubt we'll ever see a resignation from Bob Rae anytime soon. He's too busy using the office of interim Liberal leader to make a bid for his party's leadership.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Human Sacrifices In Mexico!


The cult of Saint Death or Santa Muerte  is not sanctioned by the Catholic Church. However, over the past ten years it has seen significant growth among the Mexican population. It is popular with drug dealers...

Worshiping death seems like a perfectly rational thing to do to some people.   
Now in northern Mexico 8 people have been arrested in the ritual human sacrifice of 2 10-year-old boys and an adult woman.

More crazed religions will only add to the diversity of our ethnic matrix. Wikipedia states that:

As of 2009, devotion to Santa Muerte has been on the rise in the United States for the past ten years or so, mostly following the millions of Mexicans who have immigrated to the country. Evidence of devotion to her can be seen anywhere there is a large Mexican community, such as New York City, Houston, Tucson and Los Angeles. There are fifteen officially registered religious groups dedicated to her in Los Angeles alone, which includes the Temple of Santa Muerte.

Ritual Human Sacrifice: Coming to a Town Near You?

Justin Trudeau Wins At Boxing???


In a clear sign that the End Times are here, Justin Trudeau has beaten Patrick Brazeau in their much anticipated boxing match.